My Journey Through an Inoperable Brain Tumor

I spent this past weekend reminiscing over things that I have seen and lived out. Ford, Ryan and I ( We all traveled a year together) talked about the things we seen. It was almost like I had not stopped to process it all and just enjoy it. It was such a great thing for my heart. We talked about the miracles, the healings, the prophecies, even the hard times. I say all that to say this. These talks took me back to when I did not believe in any of it. I didn't believe miracles were for this day and age. I did not believe in healings. I put God is such a small box.  Nonetheless, through it all I decided to write this. I want to take you through my journey. A journey I never expected to live....literally.

My headaches started super young. I remember complaining about them in middle school. The doctor would prescribe me medicine after medicine and nothing seemed to work. I actually remember finding out that one of the things prescribed to me was just sugar pills. They were trying to see if I was just making it all up. They had no idea what was going on. It wasn't until early college that I began to get migraines and it seemed that each one would intensify. I was in engineering school at the time. I was miserable. I would only get out of bed when I absolutely had to. This was not like me at all. The year before I would leave home around 8am and not get back until around 1am each day. I was super involved on campus and different group projects. Then it was like a switch turned on and I could not stand to be in the light. I fought through the pain for a little while. I had a full ride to school but had to keep my GPA up to keep receiving it. It was some of the worst days of my life, even to this day. I did not understand what was going wrong. I vividly remember the first time my migraine moved down the side of my neck. It hurt so bad and that is when I knew something was up. There had to be something more than just stress causing this pain. The doctors had wrote it off as hormonal or stress related. I knew at this point it couldn't be that.

My grandfather passed away during all this and a sweet lady brought me a bottle of essential oil. I thought she was absolutely crazy. I did not have anything to lose at this point so I tried it. To my surprise, it was the only relief I had gotten in weeks, maybe even months. That story is for another day, but thats why I am so passionate about them.

I went to the doctor and she scheduled an MRI at the hospital. This was July 2015. The MRI was a terrible experience. I remember saying to myself "I will never do this again." I am not claustrophobic, that wasn't the problem. It was the fact they couldn't find a vein to pump me with dye. They ended up blowing two of my veins, which I didn't even know was possible. I was strapped down to this table being poked what seemed like a million times. Finally it was over. I did not really think much of it. I was use to not getting answers. I didn't think this would be an answer either.....until it was.

They called our house phone a couple days later ( We still had one of those.). My mom answered the phone because I wasn't home at the time. She waited a while to tell me the news. I guess she didn't want me to stress. I actually found out from my boyfriend ( now husband). My mom had told his mom who was a  Pharmacist and his mom had told him. I got in the car with him one afternoon and he was so mad at me. I had no idea what was going on. He said " Why would you not tell me that something showed up on your scan." I said "I have no idea what you are talking about." He turned white as a ghost realizing I did not know the news. I called my mom right away. I knew she just did not want me to worry. She did not intend on me finding out the way that I did. Over the phone she  said with a shaky voice " They called and said you have an appointment with the doctor. Don't worry though it probably isn't anything." I remember thinking.....hmmmm a brain surgeon. I was as if it wasn't reality.

A few more days past waiting for my appointment. Honestly, I did not really worry about it. I had been in situation after situation without answers. It kind of felt good to know something was wrong.

The time came. We were in the freezing cold room waiting for the doctor to come in. I knew something was up when they sent in a nurse practitioner to test my reaction time and reflexes. The doctor walked in soon after and was soooooo nice. I love him so much. He chatted with me for a second and said " Do you want the good news or bad news?" I said " I don't care, I am just ready for any news." He said " Ma'am you have a brain tumor. It does have some space to grow before it causes life threatening problems. I am so sorry.... I am really sorry ma'am. It is positioned to where there is nothing we can do about it. It is deemed inoperable. It is a waiting game at this point. If it continues to grow we can try radiation.... I am so sorry. If we did surgery on you, you may live. If you did you would be in a vegetative state the rest of your life."

[You have to remember the beginning of this blog. I did not believe in miracles, healing. I actually didn't even believe in the true presence of Jesus. I did not think you could experience Him on earth. ]

My mom was trying to hold it together. I just sat there and said ok thank you so much. The doctor was pretty confused by my reaction. Quiet frankly, I was too. He took me back to his office and showed me scans. I wish to this day I would have taken a picture. He showed me my brain verses a non tumored brain (that is probably not the technical term). He showed me the tumor. This entire time I was at peace. I did not know why. I knew death had just smacked me in the face. It was a peace that surpassed all understanding.

We walked out of the doctors office and my mom said " Are you ok?" I remember saying "Yea, mom I'm fine. If I die I will go to Heaven. It is way better than here anyway." I picked up the phone and called my dad and boyfriend (Ryan). They lost it. I kept wondering why I was the only one ok with the news. My best friend at the time had just had a baby the night before and I really wanted to go see her. I remember my mom being so confused that I was being so strong. I walked into the hospital room to see my friend. She was holding her little miracle rainbow baby. I was so excited to see her! We had prayed so long for this little girl! Olivia ( my friend) knew I was going to the doctor before seeing her. Her husband asked excited " So how did it go?!" He was going off my excitement that I had when I walked in the room. I turned to her husband and said " Oh, I have a brain tumor but its fine." The whole room got silent. Throughout the day it was as if I was comforting people instead of people having to comfort me.

When all the busyness faded away I remember sitting in my bed replaying the whole thing. I knew the peace I felt was from the Lord and I was thankful for it. I had been taught my whole life that the Lord would heal if it was His will or in His timing. I did not believe in laying hands on people and seeing them miraculously healed. I came to grips that night with Heaven. If I truly believed in it then why should I be afraid? I viewed salvation, at the time, as a present I didn't get to open until heaven.... so maybe it was time for me to open it.

The plan per the doctor was to get MRI after MRI to keep a check of it. I did not tell anyone about my brain tumor. Well, anyone that I did not feel that I had to. I didn't want the attention. I didn't want the sympathy. What was the point in asking for prayer if God would only heal me...maybe? I look back now and think how sad it really was.

I got the first two MRI's and nothing really changed which was a blessing in itself. I used essential oils to get through the day. I continued on in school. I actually got engaged during this time. So I began planning a wedding super fast. We wanted to get married before something possibly could happen to me. Ryan's mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that same summer and we wanted her at the wedding too.

There was a lot going on in my life. I just lived it day by day, not really knowing the outcome. Then one day God changed it all. I got a call from my most recent MRI and they said " I guess we will see you in a year." I replied " What? I am suppose to have them every few months." She said " The doctor said they can't see anything that represents a tumor anymore. You are in remission. We will just keep a check on you."

I had not prayed for myself to me healed. I didn't believe in it. I had not asked others to pray for me. I didn't go to the Lord about it. I'm sure some of my family was praying " Heal her if it is your will Lord." There was no one praying for me that believed in miracles ( That I knew of anyway).  Still to this day, the Lord blows me away by that.

I was healed by Jesus Himself. I didn't know what to think at first. I don't even remember who I told. That part seems kind of blurry. I remember being excited but also confused. If the Lord just healed me there had to be more to Him than what I was being taught. It was there that I began to question!

I say all of that first and foremost to give GLORY to JESUS. He is my absolute everything. I love Him more and more each day. He is the Healer, Comforter and my BEST FRIEND. I also want to give you hope. Jesus is Life. The devil is out to kill, steal and destroy. Despite common belief, the Lord did not give me the brain tumor. It was not in His will for me to have a brain tumor. He knew it was going to happen but He didn't give it me. The devil did. The devil is real. BUT MY GOD. He is victorious over death, hell and the grave. He not only healed me, but He used it to resurrect things inside of me. I went on a journey of discovering what I believed. I began to not let denominational beliefs define me. I wanted to know for myself.  That moment in time not only transformed my body back to health, but it transformed the rest of my life.

I now have traveled the US and seen many miracles before my eyes. I have seen healings and people set free. I am here to tell you, once you break the box we tend to put God in..... He shows up in mighty ways.  I truly believe the Lords desire is for every one of His children to be healed. He paid for it on the cross. The love He has for us in unconditional. Maybe you believe like I once did. I believed that praying for healing and miracles was commanding Jesus to do something. I thought that I was unworthy to do that. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something that maybe a different perspective?  Laying hands on the sick and casting out demons is not commanding the Lord to do anything. It is agreeing with the Lord for what He died for.  He uses His children to lay hands on the sick because He is a relational God. He doesn't have to use us, He chooses to.

Maybe you are going through a tough time. Maybe you have just been punch in the face with the reality of death. I would love to pray for you, encourage you and be there for you. The devil (false humility) is what kept me silent throughout my journey. If I could do it over again I would have told the whole world, knowing and believing the impact it would have made. I don't regret the way I lived it out, because I know this was the Lords plan. For someone to read this post now and seek healing, to seek help and to just grow in Faith. I love each of you!


Be Blessed,
Jenna Atchley